MARUFUKU

Hmm…..
Full tummy. Japanese food.
Thankful as I am, I still have some complaints about the lunch.
Am I that bad?

Eating out is not only for satisfying the stomach, but the heart too.
I was full. So full. Yet I am NOT content.
Especially not since everyone was so vile towards each other.
Is that “togetherness” that we for so long have been cheering for?
Or is it just too many people wanting to be heard at the same time, all the while not wanting to listen to others?

Humans. The nature of which includes the basic needs of socializing.
But is it socializing when people pick on someone so helpless (and choose not to defend himself from the mockery of others) in front of his colleagues, feeling so freely to promote the filthy habit and invite more people - stupid and mean enough to participate in the event - along?
Is it socializing when we undermine people and mock them as if nothing happened and play innocent and act as if we ourselves were the most perfect human being compared to other we considered “less fortunate” or by definition less bitchy?
Is it socializing when instead of thanking the one person acting as your sponsor, you corner him with all the rubbish and gang up on him as if he did nothing and as if you were the one person who makes everything happen for everyone else around you?

Am I that bad for restraining myself? Am I that bad for not wanting to get dragged down by the horrible people at work who have got nothing better to do than say bad things about others?

Funny is a funny word. It does not mean a general thing. Something funny for someone may be humiliating to others. One’s mishap can be hilarious to someone else.
But I know that funny does not mean to force a smile and pretend you’re doing okay when your blood is boiling.

Maybe to some particular people at work, funny means when he/she can laugh at someone and make him wish for death sentence than being punished with utter humiliation in front of his own supervisor, and especially in front of his subordinate.

I’d rather be a complete unsocial than be amongst those bitches.
I’d rather sit at the corner of the table, laughing at my own jokes, and gather with the “less famous” people than sit next to the loudest person in the room, giving out fake laughs when she mocks my dear boss in front of me, for something not even remotely related to work, and pretend that she was just being “funny” while deep down inside I just want to rip her mouth for being such a bitch.

Maybe I’m just being a brat. Maybe I’m just being a spoiled girl. Maybe I’m being irrational. Maybe I’m just not showing my gratitude.
Or maybe I’m just being a perfectly sane and normal person who has a certain amount of patience and when it runs out, I just want to scream my lungs out.

Please help me out, give me strength. I need it. A whole damn LOT.

Si Kepala Besar

“During JT’s leave there is no one in charge for the job cost. Perhaps it’s time that SRS learns to design a job cost?”

Those pearly words didn’t come from the big director to the employee, nor did it come from an immediate supervisor to his subordinate. It came from someone, not even remotely related in job structure, from someone not even a senior to her colleague (with the same level of responsibility). To one of my best friends at work.

Let’s just name the wise @$$ “Si Kepala Besar”. There’s nothing more appropriate to name the person. She’s bossy, bitchy, and she’s a backstabber. A “perfect” colleague. Someone who can really gets on your nerve at such close proximity.

She was my teammate before. But her sharp mouth is the last thing I want to see each and every morning. And every night, at every waking moment, I could not stop dreading going to work, to meet with her. And after 9 months of suffering, I finally shout out to the world, “heck, I can’t work with this person.”

I'm a quitter, I'd have to admit that. But I loved myself more to risk having a heart attack or high blood pressure everytime I have to sit face to face with her, everytime I hoped that she’s not gonna mock me for something we disagree upon in front of her dear darling boss. She’s a pain to me. Even long after we don’t work together.

My replacement, who turned out to be one of my bestfriends at work (NRH) complained about her “darling” teammate not 1 week after her first day. Another colleague (JR) who is in my division got a round of her “quick wit” when she scolds him in public (out loud) for not wanting to pick up the phone and answer to clients request, not long into his 2nd week of work. Another colleague of mine (TYU) got one too, when she “summoned” her to her desk to help her out with some statistics problem.

Her bossiness and bitchiness weren’t the biggest problem that we had to face with. A far bigger problem was that she can be very nice to you, enough to make you consoled with her (hah, stupid me), and then she’d tell on your boss saying the exact same thing you told her (that you don’t get your boss, that sometimes you think your boss does not like your work), and in the end, earn a couple of extra points to her advantage.

Si Kepala Besar. Everytime there’s a new breed coming to work with us, she’d lurk them and try to be their friends, and somehow they managed to get rid of her the soon as they “woke up”. It seems that no sane person in this floor would stay friends with her. Why is it like that, I don’t even know. She’s not bad to look at. She’s even smart. But somehow, the rest of us feel that that’s not the only thing we need in a worker (and especially in a human being).

No, I made peace with her a long time ago. Exactly 1 year ago right after I confronted her, I had to make peace with myself that this person is never going to change. And I’d be wasting my breath even thinking that she could be a less bitchy person.

However, Si Kepala Besar did teach me a very valuable lesson. That TRUST is one priceless thing. It’s not one thing on bargain sale. Nor is it a bulk commodity. Trust is something you gain for being yourself. For giving your true sincere intentions. I learned from Si Kepala Besar that we shouldn’t trust her with any real problems. That on the other hand we should be able to tell which friends are worthy of our trust. And NRH, SRS, TYU, and JR are some amongst all that you can be sure to keep your trust.

Well Kepala Besar. Thanks for your tips.

The Incredibles

The Incredibles sure is incredible. The people at Pixar sure are geniuses. Bravo, you guys. Hats off to all of you.

I don’t know how this super hero movie tops everything I’ve watched before.
To me, it tops Superman, Batman, Spiderman, and all the other super heroes. (No offense to the people who make them, but their stories are lame – now that I’ve seen The Incredibles.)

Mr. Incredible’s attributes were Strength, Agility, Durability, and Leaping Ability. While Elastigirl’s were Flexibility, Agility, Durability, and Leaping Ability. But their physical strength was not the reason why they’re great.

It all started when Mr. Incredible married Elastigirl. And they were happily married, although they had to live in hiding. No more fighting off the bad guys, they had to lay low and raise their 3 children together, as ordinary people, and yet they raise their children to realize that they do have super powers, power beyond any other ordinary human beings have, and that they use them to help others.

Violet, the first born was very shy. She did develop a very keen knowledge that she can stay invisible. She only discovered her ultimate power to produce a very powerful Force Field later. As a first born, she could not handle her younger brother, Dash whose power was Speed and Super Reaction Time. They both however, possess the same power their parents have: Durability. The last born, Jack Jack appeared to be perfectly normal (by normal it means not having special powers), but the nanny discovered that Jack Jack was able to transform into various things in an instant. He could transform itself into a fire ball, a heavy lead, a ball of ice, etc.

The super attributes these characters possess were nothing more than those of Superman’s Spiderman’s and all other super heroes. But what makes it stand apart?

Mr. Incredible said that “I always work alone.” And so did Elastigirl. But when Mr. Incredible were in trouble, all of the sudden, the family of super heroes had to rescue him and even his very young children took part in the rescue mission.


Family. I only discovered that it’s one of the most important things a person could possibly have. Family does not only mean those who are related to you by blood. But those who are close to your heart, no matter how unrelated they are, should remain a family to you.

In this holiday season, people rush to their trips, to fight the traffic, through the hell of “mudik”, and through the painstakingly unreliable schedules. And for what? A day or two in your hometown? I never comprehended that long before. But this year I have to see that it does matter to the “mudik-ers” to spend some valuable time back home, with their dear family.

In the holidays season, through your strong and weak, and most of all, in your tough times, you will see just how valuable your family and friends are.

A very dear friend of mine lost her father some time in September. The leader of the family now falls to her hands. And I witnessed just how hard it is for her to be strong for her mother and her 3 sisters, all the while she had to face the grief by herself. She endured all that by the thought of her father. She endured, knowing she has to provide for the family, to be responsible for her family. Sometimes sacrificing her own leisure.

She practically lost her youth. Did she regret it? No.

And I could not help but feel a sense of pride every time I see her. She’s far stronger than she may think. And at times she feels like giving up, at times she feels like the burden is just too heavy on her shoulders, I know her father is with her, all the way. Sometimes she feels she missed out on a lot with her father gone. But it just proves that she will only have to love her family even more.

K, your father is watching over you. And don’t you worry, he will help you on your decisions. He will help you through the tough times, in ways that you will not understand. But he will be there.


The Incredibles? The humor, the drama, the action. It’s just perfect. One perfect combination that really makes us realize that despite the hell you go through, despite all the suspense and action, in the end, your family will humor you, your family will give you a pat on the back for doing well, and a rub on your shoulders when things don’t go as you planned.

Why does The Incredibles beat all other super hero movies? Because it makes you realize just how valuable your family and friends are.

To everyone out there, when you do have time, do see the movie. For you will have a whole different perspective towards your family once you see it. I know I have.

Ibu, Ayah, Mbak (+husband), I love you guys. You’re just incredible.
Thanks for being there for me all this time.

Minal Aidin Wal Faidzin

MINAL AIDIN WAL FAIDZIN
Mohon Maaf Lahir Batin.

Happy Idul Fitri 1425 H.

May this year be filled with blessings.
May we conquer all temptations that drives us further from Him.
And may we all return to our innocence, to our pure self.

Happy holidays...

La vie est compliquée

Life is complicated.

It is filled with flying colors. It grants us vast of choices. And yet, people always seem to choose the highway. The safest route to success, to freedom. And in the end, perhaps people chose to be imprisoned in their own hesitation, rather than fly away and take the risk.

Why do people set up ground rules to restrict oh-so-many things? To make our own lives miserable knowing we will never have the option to be reckless and happy? Why do we care so much about losing everything? Or has the society cornered us all with the notion that we all have to live under certain boundaries, under certain standard to be well-accepted?

A recent event startled me, and totally woke up all my senses.

The life I lived before the big bang was interesting, in such a way that it kept me save. For some time. But then, something changed and all of the sudden my life was not safe anymore. I did not agree to the fact that we should put off all our desires once they are not met and that we should bow to (again) the ground rules. But who am I to judge? I was no more than a common person, trying to relive my happiness in the past. If possible, trying to grow it even more.

And I gave in. You know what’s really funny about it? I did get my desires. I did soar to higher places all the while I’m trying to fit in. Again, I represent the risk averse people trying to be happy. I represent the commoners. But it doesn’t matter. Not at all, really. Because I got what I want, and more: security.

Come to think of it, life is not as complicated as I once thought it would be. We just play along in this great big ploy. And try our best not to get hurt during the tough scenes. And we’ll be alright.

Won’t we?

Nothingness

It’s still.
And quiet.

I’m cruising in my own thoughts, floating in my own imagination.
Afloat amongst the crowd surrounding me.
Yet still I feel alone.

I want to squirm in my own warmth of joy. I want to fight against my own desperation.
But I only came out wriggling in the heat of boundless hopes.
I wonder. Why does it itch so bad to stay still? To stay motionless?
Is it because the rest of the world stays dynamic, and constantly changing?
Is this how it feels to be numb?

The days went by.
There’s nothing I could possibly hope for to change.
Yes, everything remains the same.
Except for all other things that I indeed want to stay like they used to be.

Crumbs of challenge. That’s all I ask for.
I’m not gonna ask for the Everest.
I’m not gonna ask for the Antarctic Ocean.
I’m merely thirsty for new experience.
Interesting ones.

And yet, it all seems a world away.
It all seems next to impossible.

And now, I’m all alone.
Fighting my boredom to death.

Fighting this nothingness with all my might.

Let’s hope I succeed.

Time

It’s no gold, nor is it gemstone. Yet, it is the most precious treasure of all.

I remember I once promised to give my time to someone.
Time was all we needed.
I had to bail out of that promise. Because in the end, I didn’t have it.

No, I didn’t have time.
Not for yet another waiting in vain.
Not for yet another uncertainty.

And now, I might have to be the jerk, again, to ask for more treasure than I could possibly bargain for, than for anyone could ever possess.

Now I have to be the bitch and do the least thing I desire.
To be a nagging, whining, and whinging person to claim my so-called “rights”.

What are my rights, really?
One hundred percent undivided attention?
Now, come on. Who deserves that, really?
Even God Almighty, who asked for His people to pray to Him 24 times a day had to face a tough bargain and had to settle for 5 prayers a day. And even that we still complain that it’s TOO much. That it takes up TOO much of our Time.

Time.
By far the one rare commodity that is not recyclable, not unlimited.
The one thing that even the richest person on earth still run out of.
The one thing that no great human being can argue to lack of the more they gain age.
The one thing even the number one racer in the whole wide world cannot beat.

They say “Time heals all pain” or “Time will answer”.
Do you believe in that?

Well, I do.
I mean, I have to.
Because everything leads to that.
Everything points to that direction, to force us to believe in the great power “Time” has.

It either let you succumb or let you survive.
It’s all your call.

And looking back I now think my “rights” are way too overstated.
No one gives away their time. They simply prioritize in their time management.

And I no longer have the right to demand more of the time I’m not granted.

If only it hurts less to know.