Letter to my dearest…

Pejaten, 5/2/2004

Di bawah pendudukan Bobo…

My dearest,

Life works in a very mysterious way. And I really can’t see what’s coming even right before it happens. But you mustn’t forget that women do have a very strong intuition. And call it what you like: female intuition at work, strong hunch, or even paranoia; I still will stand on my grounds. I really can’t rid of my sinking gut feeling, forcing me to stop and think. Keeping my eyes awake. I just can’t rest assured that even the willow-man will back me up.

Dreams are made of wind and pleasant thoughts so what is it that kept me awake? Nightmares?

I cannot foresee the future, and even the great centaurs can’t read what it’s said in the starts for destiny’s change. I have always believe in fate and destiny; and thousands of other magical things. But lately I seem to have missed my grasp. There’s an unknown power at work. Something vengeful is taking place and cut me off right before the end of the tunnel.

Why do I feel that I may never see you standing by, at the ready, with a strong firm hand to embrace me, of pull me if necessary, out of the darkness, to reunite with you? To walk alongside you, in the green meadow, with grass glimmering with dew, and all colorful butterflies flying just within our reach?

Why can’t I see that in my dreams anymore? Am I too hurt? Or am I too tired to dream that only nightmares full of beasts and bloody sweats come visit me at night? Or am I wishing too much if I wished a silver knight would challenge the beast to rescue me at the tunnel?



I didn’t dare send this letter to my dearest A back then. But now I hope this long lost letter will change things for the better.

Hope you see it now, A.