Diary of a Loser

Monday.
Today went regular. Nothing really sparked. Work’s so-so. Just like any other regularly mundane work day. It’s the start of the week and I can’t feel I’m lifted up, energized. Or whatever you call it. Sigh… it’s gonna be a hell of a looong week.

Tuesday.
A friend came over. Caused hell of a commotion at the office. Man, oh man, was everyone thirsty or what? Well, he looked “calendar boy” handsome and everyone just couldn’t stop gawking at him (who can blame them, huh?) Aarrgh… I’m soo embarrassed… Well, at the very least, that put us all in good mood and so I didn’t mind leaving the office at such late hour.

Wednesday.
Shucks. It’s hectic Wednesday again. Lotsa things to do. My most favorite workday. Nothing really important, but good enough that I don’t sit idle like any other day. Tried forcing my fat lazy ass to join the gym. Just 15 minutes on the treadmill and I already lost my breath. No problem, just do the squats and some other sculpting routine. Pathetic. It’s my first day and I didn’t even impress myself.

Thursday.
Business is looking up? Dunno. The JV between our mother company with some rich Italian company came as a shock late last year. But hey, it’s really nothing we could complain about, so what the heck. It’s not like we’re not confused enough, but oh well… It’s just gonna be another day sitting in the same desk for some other company. C’est la vie, ma chérie…

Friday.
Oh, I was so excited bout this gym thing (we’ll just see how long it will last, okay?). Friday mornin’! Always a good day to pump some of your abdomen muscles. Yeah, baby, check me out in 2 months, whoah… Lunch at Ambassador. The gals got TransTool for the office and I got some Whiskas for my babies. Went to EX to meet with BAA, FN and A in the evening. Talked about PR stuff over bowling. Hah, we only chatted for like 30 minutes on the program and the rest, well, let’s just say the bowling place is no place for any meetings to run effectively. Man, I had a sore fist for that incident. Turned my mood all off. That b**ch.

Saturday.
A lonely pathetic bitch feels sorry for herself. Saturday morning rituals. Wash the car, make the bed, clean up the room, get ready for CCF. I don’t take up the class anymore, I just show up to meet the gals. Another pathetic point of mine. Damnit, I feel so desperate. Good thing I’ve got plans to meet up with K. Lunch it is. Lotsa laughs. Just what I need. Hey, thanks, gal. Left PS at 7 and home. Dang it, the night’s still young and I was already tucked in before 10. Singles’ life sucks.

Sunday.
Today started late. Lazed around all day. Hoping the Jane Fonda routine would lift my mood. It didn’t. What happened that Friday night still lingered. Couldn’t shake it off. I feel my blood boils every time I’m reminded of it. I know I don’t have any rights to be upset. And that’s just worse. Why can’t I have a f**king happy life? Got through today with hundreds of sms. Thanks guys. a friend called in the afternoon. Woke me up. I hate taking afternoon naps, and I hate the interruption more. But this time, it was good. Got to read some books. Didn’t leave the house for one bit.
I can’t accept the fact that I’m so unlovable that the only one person I wanna be with does not want to be with me. That I feel certain extreme measures has to be taken and yet I know the possibility of them succeeding is next to nil. That I’ve gone from a good person to bad, then worse, and now, pure evil, only for the sake of good companionship gone awry. I hate myself lately. I hate myself for every single day of my life from that particular point of time to indefinite period.



Ladies and Gentlemen, this is my diary, and this is my life.

I AM that loser.