Sigh…

Out of nowhere, feeling of complete and utter desperation enveloped me. Why?
I feel like a bitch.

Here I am, sitting on my comfy chair, facing my perfectly good working computer, browsing the internet for a completely non job related thing, and still thinking when I’m ever gonna flee out this hell hole. I want better!

I’ve been thinking, I don’t think I deserve complaining about the nicks I have. Most people are lucky enough to hold an employment contract, however degrading that job is, for the sake of our monthly paycheck - what with all the bills we need to pay. Phone bills, credit card bills, water & electricity bills, housing bills, the more we think about it, the more stressful they become. Not to mention in this case, family pressure (no matter how small, it’s a pressure).

But job is not merely about making a living (or maintaining it). It should serve its purpose, to gain you career. And I’m quite certain that another minute I spend here will not grant me mine. And that is why I keep on rambling on and on about my dissatisfaction in this place. Not only did I not get what I want, I didn’t get what I need. I want skyscraper high salary (yeah, you wish…), I need challenge.

Not challenge on how to handle clients complaints or tend to their requests, but real challenge, on how to bring the company into a better position, with my brightest ideas I help compose a foolproof strategy to drive it to a far more profitable (and liquid) one. I want the salary that can keep me save for at least some time when I decide I want to take a short break and just focus on my personal stuff. Not something that will only lead me into another rat race, something that will only keep me going for the rest of the month and leave me pondering “where have all my money gone?”

I guess these two criteria are just out of the question.

Lately I have finally gave in. I guess I needed a break, a break from getting tired of my job all the time, a break from discontent feeling. A break from my never-ending job search. A break from trying to convince myself that there are other companies in this world that would want to hire me as their loyal and devoted employee. A break from trying to figure out what’s happening to this cruel world.

Come to think of it, no. I’m not a bitch (that’s what I keep telling myself). I’m just another ordinary person who is so fed up with her demeaning job. I am worthy of anything. Am I?

I wonder. Is there anyone out there who is content with what they do? Sigh…